now your life's no longer empty

FM - December / Guilty Puppy

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 20:59:37 GMT

The ride from LA to Maine was fucking long. I mean, shit, it was across the US. I haven’t taken a trip like that in what felt like forever, but it was awesome. Felt like I was free, even though I was cooped up with that demon bitch and well, Sammy. That was normal. Ruby, not so much and yeah, so we kissed and made up, it was still a little weird. I knew how much she meant to Sammy and while I found that highly disgusting, I guess I had to deal with it. I didn’t have to like it though. Everything would have been better if Emily was sittin’ shotgun next to me, but yeah. She was gone even though I fucking swear, she’s always with me. I dunno, maybe I’m tryin’ to hold onto something that I never really had. I know I need to get over her and I’m going to. Been tryin’, but nah. I’ve been cool holed up in the motel room, eating greasy diner food and watching Nick at Nite. Sometimes I turn it on America’s Next Top Model though, ya know, just in case.

Alec was a different story. He was my son and I had just met him actually when I uh, came back from hell. Not exactly the way I wanted to meet him, if I even wanted to meet him at all. It was strange that I had a son that wasn’t exactly that much younger than me, ya know? Just strange. That’s all I can come up with, but he was my son. Looked just like me and his wife, Grace? Talk about an awesome person. And then Jack. Dude, everything was fucking falling apart, fast. Emily was gone. Alec was gone and Grace was missing. Seemed like everything went down the drain when I came back and honestly? Kinda wish I was still in hell. Least Alec would be alive and have his family and Emily would have well, still been alive.

Rubbing my eyes, I dipped my head down and looked over at a street sign. We were so fucking lost and after about five minutes of debating, I finally turned down the street. Or, ya know, when Ruby bitched me out cause I was holdin’ up traffic. Whatever, fuck them. After a few minutes, we found the house and I pulled up on the side. It was fucking cold as shit outside and I grabbed my coat from the back and leaned forward, slipping it on before opening up the door.

I glanced over at Sam and Ruby who were looking up at the house and before we knew it, we were heading up the steps and to the door. Giving a nod to Sam, he knocked on the door and we waited.

[Cady/Sam/Ruby]

Sept/Oct - "However long the night, the dawn will break."- African Proverb

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:19:42 GMT

Pulling out some cash from my wallet, I slapped some green on the bar and gave a nod to the pretty lady behind the counter. She grinned knowingly at me even though there wasn't anything to know. It wasn't like I was saving myself for anything, things were just different now. My son was dead and so was my girlfriend, or friend, or whoever the fuck she was. Didn't matter, she was gone. Sam was awfully busy these days with whatever the fuck he was doing and the longer we stayed at Grace's, the more I was going freaking crazy. It's like everything just took a pause and yeah, there were jobs here and there, but nothing much was going on.

The house was pitch black when I walked in and I didn't even bother turning on any lights. Sam was out, surprise, surprise and I already knew what he was up to. I told him before that I didn't exactly agree with it, but there wasn't much I could do. He was gonna do what he wanted and Ruby wasn't all that bad. Oh, don’t get me wrong, she was a bitch and I could never fully admit that she was 'alright' but there wasn't a lot I could do.

Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed a beer and walked back to the recliner and sat down. The night I came back, I sat in this very fucking chair and held my grandson. Felt like it was yesterday if I chose to ignore all the shit that happened between that, but I couldn't.

Popping the top, I leaned back and reached over, grabbing the remote and clicked the t.v. on. Flipped through a few stations before settling it on some reality show. Half naked chicks doing unthinkable things for a chance to win the heart of a rockstar? Pretty awesome. Didn't hold my interest too long cause I could feel myself falling asleep.

Opening one eye, I glanced around before sitting up and rubbing the back of my head. Well, I wasn't at Grace's place anymore. I was in some hotel, they all looked the same, just different wallpaper. I stood up from the bed and took a deep breath. Yeah, I wasn't in LA anymore. Bending the blinds down, I looked outside. "Great," I muttered and snapped the blinds back. I turned around and stopped in my tracks, seeing Emily there.

"Shit."

August topic: If you don't risk anything, you risk even more. - Erica Jong

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:32:14 GMT

Ruby caught me off guard and the next thing I knew, I was being thrown into the wall. I let her do whatever because it wasn’t gonna take anything away from what just happened. Emily was dead. She was gone. She was fuckin’ gone long before I killed Lilith. There was no comin’ back from that and Ruby would be stupid to think otherwise. I didn’t mention it though. I didn’t shit, just let her get out whatever she needed to get out before she finally just walked away. It was surprising that she cared so much. I didn’t understand it, or her for that matter. Actually, it was a little frightening to be honest. I’m thinkin’ that Sam was doin’ some good for her, or maybe this is just who she is. I didn’t know.

Sharing a look with Sam for a second as he held onto Baby Jack, he finally turned and walked out of the room. Emily was layin’ there on the floor, her eyes were open, her mouth was slightly parted and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I didn’t want this for her, hell, none of ‘em. I made a deal to save my brother, I wasn’t expecting to be brought out of hell, but I should have known. Not that I would be brought out of hell, just the fact that since I was brought out of hell, that Lilith would come after us. I had the suspicion, I’d talked to Emily about it before we went to Mexico, I just didn’t think the bitch would be this quick.

Slowly walking over toward Emily, I leaned over and picked her up carefully. I held onto her for a minute before I placed her on the bed. I got down on my knees beside her while she laid there and leaned my arms on the bed, just watching her closely for anything. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just couldn’t believe she was gone. There was blood on the floor and on her clothes and now there was blood on me, her blood. Reaching out, I held onto her hand gently and shook my head. There was something about her that … she just, she was just there. On point, she was unpredictable and a fuckin’ smart ass, but I loved her. Never told her because it wasn’t what she’d expect. Hell, I didn’t expect it, but I did. I always pushed myself away because I didn’t want to start up anything with anyone because of the family business. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, or … I just told myself that I wasn’t the relationship type of guy, but Emily knew better. She knew more about me than she let on because she had that thing about her. The night before I died, we just talked and I said some crazy shit, tellin’ her that if I came back, we were gonna go to Mexico, which, yeah we eventually did, but at the time, I didn’t think it would happen. I liked to believe it did though. We talked about life beyond hunting the supernatural and how we’d want to live our lives and shit like that. I told her about Nicole and .. just a lot of shit that I didn’t think I’d ever tell anyone, but with her, it was almost natural. If I didn’t say something, she already knew what I wanted to say, but just didn’t have it in me to say out loud.

Slowly, my eyes stared into hers and I couldn’t help but let the tears come. Leaning over her, I hugged her tightly before pullin’ away and closin’ her eyes with my fingers. My tears were wiped away with the back of my hand and I stayed there for a while. I didn’t know how long I was there for once I heard people in the other room, talking to Sam and Ruby. Baby Jack was even cryin’ again and I stood up and looked back down at Emily, noticing the heart locket that she wore. Reachin’ around, I unhooked it and held onto it in my palm before putting it in my coat pocket.

She was gone.

Wipin’ my face with my shirt, I shook it off and walked out to the other room where Ruby, Sam, baby Jack, Grace and Faith were. I frowned, lookin’ past everyone for Alec, but he wasn’t there. Crossin’ my arms over my chest, I just stood there next to Sam and Grace, who was now holdin’ baby Jack. I didn’t know if they already knew what was goin’ on. Either way, they were about to find out. We had to do something with Emily’s body, but I didn’t want to bring that up right now.

[Faith, Grace, Sam, Ruby]

FM: August - Bliss

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 04:30:00 GMT

This was really happening. I was in Mexico, with my brother, Em and Ruby. Yeah, I put up a fight that didn’t really last long to Sam about Ruby, but in the end, we all needed a break and I figure even hot demon skanks needed a vacation. Yeah, her status totally just went up from ugly skank to hot skank since it was her thing to bring me back. I didn’t know what else to say to her besides ‘thank you,’ but I did have my doubts that I was sure goin’ to bring up when I finally talked to Sam. Except, that time wasn’t now. Just wanted everyone to be somewhat happy and hell, I wanted to be happy. I forced everything out of my mind for the moment. Lilith and the fact that I got brought back weighed heavy on me just for the simple fact that in a way, the deal was still broken. I’m thinkin’ there’s gonna be a pissed off hella demon comin’ after my ass soon. It was my worst fear at this point. Comin’ back and havin’ a family that I didn’t even know I had, I got my brother back and now Emily. Yeah, I wasn’t leavin’ just yet, that was for sure. I didn’t wanna go anywhere.

Besides, you know, the beach with the hottest chick that I know.

Raisin’ my eyebrow as I looked Emily over, I grinned a little and reached into the closet to grab towels. I think I changed my mind on that. She was just the hottest girl around, period. What can I say? I was a lucky man. Told her last night that I thought we were gonna make it, let’s just hope that my thoughts become reality. It’d be pretty awesome if for once, something did work out.

“Man, I got some pasty, white legs,” I complained once we were on the beach and Emily had already stripped off her clothes, now just leavin’ herself in a bikini. Appreciatin’ her for a moment, I finally took off my shirt and tossed it toward the bag, leavin’ myself in the boardshorts that I wore last night before our romp pretty much all over the penthouse.

She already had the towels laid out and I leaned down, grabbin’ the oil that she got in the gift shop.

“Get your sexy ass over here, woman,” I said as I sat myself down on the towel. Yeah, it was time for a nice little rubdown.

[Emilyyyyy]

Now or never

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:48:00 GMT

//locked to Em//

I'm comin' to get you.

//locked to Sam//

I don't like it, but I can't do anything about it, so get your ass in the car in five minutes.

//locked to Alec//

I have to get out of town for a bit, I'll be back soon though.

//locked to Grace//

Thanks for everything.

//locked to Ruby//

Miss me?

I've been around for you, been up and down for you

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 03:33:03 GMT

[takes place two days after they return from Vegas]

We’d been back from Vegas for a couple of days. Me and Sammy drove back in the Impala, my baby, while the rest of them went back in Alec's car. Gave us a lot of time to talk, even though I still didn’t know how or why I was brought back, but really, I don’t care. I’m here, ya know? So, me and Sam were stayin’ at Alec and Grace’s place. Yeah, I was stayin’ at my son’s house. Pretty awesome. Never thought I’d have a kid and now I do. Apparently I’ve had one for a freakin’ while. Not the conventional way though, that was obvious. That was another thing that I could do without knowin’, but I knew that I had to know how it all happened. The days were pretty long, especially when Jack was asleep because he wasn’t bein’ the center of attention and bein’ as cute as he wants to be for the rest of us. The rest of the days were pretty lax, which was cool too. I could do calm and mellow after the hell (literally) that I’ve been livin’.

Last night, me and Sam went out just to drive around and get some air. We stopped at a bar and had a beer or two, or five. I didn’t know how long it was gonna be until we left LA, because I knew we couldn’t stay there. It wasn’t our home, it was theirs and we had to get back to business. I told Sam about the talk I had with Faith and how Emily was askin’ around about Lilith and to get help to take her out. Stupid girl. I really needed to see her, just to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid. I remembered that I still had the piece of paper that Faith gave me with the address of where she was stayin’ at and last night, me and Sam drove by there. We sat outside for a few minutes. It wasn’t until we drove off that I saw her walkin’ toward the house that she was stayin’ at. I watched her go inside and then me and Sam went back to Alec’s. I didn’t say anything about it, I knew I needed to talk to her and tell her that I was back, I guess I was just holdin’ back. There was somethin’ about that girl, and the only reason now that I was goin’ to talk to her was because of what Faith told me. I didn’t want her to get hurt and yeah, so I cared. Whatever. It didn’t matter.

Only it did. A little.

Tonight though was a different story. I decided to go out by myself to go and talk to her. I remembered how to get there and I parked outside, waitin’ a few houses down, just preppin’ myself for it because I’d already been through this with Sam, and now with Emily, I was just preparing myself. That was until I saw her walkin’ out and headin’ back up the street where I saw her comin’ down the night before. I took a deep breath and followed her to some bar. She disappeared inside while I parked. Yeah, this was gonna suck, but yeah. It was just gonna suck.

Sittin’ in the car, I heard somethin’ and turned around, seein’ a blonde dude with some weird face walkin’ by and I realized that wasn’t just a weird face.

Vampire.

“Shit. This is just freakin’ perfect!” I yelled and got out, openin’ up the trunk, grabbin’ some holy water and lookin’ for a stake. Grabbin’ one, I shoved it in my coat pocket before closin’ up the trunk and turnin’ around, just in time to see the vamp walk inside the bar.

Runnin’ up, I opened up the door and stopped in my tracks when I saw Emily sittin’ with him and his face was back to normal. Dumbass. And this is the chick that wants to stop Lilith. Takin’ a deep breath, I walked over, chargin’ for the vampire, but he looked over.

“Alec?”

“Dean?”

….

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:06:03 GMT

I knew it wasn't gonna take Sam long to get to Vegas, but it felt like freakin' forever. I kept on pacing around the suite and I was even up when Jack woke up screaming his head off. By the time I got to the door though, it seemed that Faith has it under control, so I backed off and paced some more. The little bit of beer we had in the fridge left over was now gone. I was gonna raid the mini bar, but I pretty much ate all the cookies and they were like five bucks each. Hey, they were some good cookies. I didn't know what I was gonna say to Sam, besides, 'hey I'm back,' but he already pretty much knew that. Course he could just be comin' because he doesn't believe it and he wants to kill whatever demon he thinks is here impersonating his brother. We've been through that shit before with shapeshifters and whatever else came along and wanted to take over our bodies.

Even though it's only been a few days since I've been back, it's been pretty … well, I've adjusted for the most part, mostly because I had to. Now I have a family that I didn't think I'd ever have, but I've had it all along. Pretty awesome. I'll always have my brother and I'll always be with him but the fact that I'm a father? A grandfather on top of that … alright, so it's weird since I'm only thirty, but yeah. Pretty cool.

I opened the door before he even finished knocking and I saw him standing there. Takin' a step back, I just watched him for a moment. He looked … bad. Not bad lookin' cause you know, us Winchesters have a good set of genes but he just looked … beat up.

"Hey," was all I said as we both stood there.

Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:26:19 GMT

Dean: Faith disappeared to her room while I continued to stand in the kitchen. I held the piece of paper in my hand, lookin' down at it. It was the address of where Emily was stayin'. The girl was stayin' with a cop, which I thought was the dumbest thing she's ever done. I didn't know what was on her mind when she thought of that bright idea, but whatever. Folding the paper, I shoved it in my pocket and grabbed my beer before walking across the room and to the huge window that over looked the strip. Yeah, it was a pretty sweet room, hell, not even a room, more like an apartment. I've never stayed in somethin' this nice and I was kinda enjoying it. It sure beat the accommodations in hell. Just sayin'. I looked over the strip and knew that my brother was out there somewhere, doin' his coulda, woulda, shoulda's and here I was, in Vegas, watchin' my son get married, lookin' over my grandson while Alec chilled with his new wife and hangin' out with Faith who really, I thought I'd never see again. I probably shouldn't be here, I mean, yeah, I should be, but I shouldn't be. My brother was the one person that I've had with me every single day since I got him from school to help find Dad. Just didn't know how to tell him, 'Hey, I'm back.' Man, this was a shitty way to do this, but I had to. I just wanted him to know that I was okay and that everything was fine now. I finished the last of the beer and set it on the table before walkin' to my room. Sittin' down on the side of the bed, I picked up the phone and dialed his cell number, waitin' for him to pick up. When he did pick up though, I didn't know what the fuck to say. I paused for a second.

"Sam."

Sam: I just finished up a job in Arizona, nothing big, just your basic haunting. I was hoping for something bigger. Something better. I needed some kind of distraction, something to take my anger out on. Casting out some ghost just wasn’t doing it, it was over too soon. But maybe the next one would be better. Maybe I could get something harder, something dangerous that would take my mind off my brother. And Ruby too for that matter. I’d made a big mistake summoning her like I did. Especially considering the way things went. Then I’d just taken off, leaving her there in that hotel room, sleeping. One of the few times I’d ever really seen her sleep. But I had to. I couldn’t do it. I was freaking out over what had happened and the way I’d just cried in front of her like I had. So, I took off, finally listening to Bobby’s messages. There had been one about this thing in Prescott, Arizona which is where I headed to. Unlocking the door to my hotel room, I set my stuff down, including my six pack I’d grabbed on my way back. Twisting off the cap, I drank it down fast before starting on the second one and heading into the bathroom to take a shower. Once I finished that, I threw on my pajama bottoms and started on number 3 when I heard my cellphone start ringing. I looked at the screen and frowned, not recognizing the number. But something told me to answer it, so I took another drink of my beer before flipping my phone open and holding it to my ear.

“Hello?”

It was silent for several seconds until I heard a voice speak my name. A very familiar voice. “Dean?” I whispered, frowning to myself because no matter how bad I wanted it to be, there was no way it was. “Who the hell is this?”

Dean: Yeah, I was expecting that. For him to not believe that it was me. Why would he? When dad called, I was all over that shit, thinkin' that somehow dad was actually callin' us from the other side, but in the end, it was a lie. Sam didn't believe it, but I wanted to believe so fuckin' badly. I just hoped that somehow I could get through to Sam now. "It's me, Sam," I told him and just shook my head. Damnit. "I dont' know how to explain it, well, no, I guess I could," I reasoned with myself before continuing, "it's freakin' weird as hell, but I'm back. Two days now." Yeah, I felt like shit because I hadn't tried to get in touch with him when I first got back, but I was still ... yeah. I wasn't even believing it when I came back, but it all turned out to be true. "Look, I know that I shouldn't be callin' like this, but I am. This isn't how I wanted it to be."

Sam: I closed my eyes and sat down on the bed of my hotel room when he said it was him. It sounded like him, but there was no way it was Dean. My brother was dead. I’d watched the hellhounds rip him apart. I’d carried his lifeless body to the car and drove it out to the middle of nowhere. I’d burned and buried that same body. Dean was dead. He was in Hell and there was no way this was him on the other end of the line.

Who was this on the phone telling me they were Dean and that he was back from Hell? He’d been back for a couple of days? Right. “You’re right.” I agreed. “You shouldn’t be calling me like this. You shouldn’t be calling me at all. Look I don’t know who you are or what kind of sick joke you’re trying to play on me, but I’m not buying it. Nice try asshole.”

Dean: Lettin' out a breath, I clenched my jaw because this was frustrating and there was really nothin' I could do about it. Why would he believe me? Gettin' up from the bed, I walked over to the window and looked out onto the strip again. "It's not a sick joke," I told him flatly and rubbed the back of my neck. "I don't know how it happened, or why it happened, but it happened. I'm here. In Vegas and I just watched the son that I never thought I had get married to his girlfriend," I said, still not believing that it even happened in the first place. Not the wedding, but you know, havin' a son at all. Ruby was right. Little bitch. "Look, I know you didn't believe it when I thought dad was callin' and hey, you were awesome because you were right, ya know? But this real. I'm here, Sam and I ... need you right now. Don't do this." I covered my mouth as I cleared my throat.

Sam: My brow furrowed and I took another drink of my beer, finishing it off and getting up to grab the 4th one. Twisting the cap off, I listened to him tell me he was in Vegas, watching his son get married. I took another swallow, letting his words about Dad wash over me. My eyes fell closed when he told me he needed me. Why would someone do this to me? Screw with me like this, mess with my head. Hadn’t I been punished enough? Wasn’t it enough to take my family from me, did someone have to do this too? “How the hell am I supposed to buy this? You call me up and claim to be my brother, who’s dead and I’m just supposed to what? Believe you? Cry? What the hell do you want from me?” I demanded. “Like some demon couldn’t know that stuff and be calling to screw with my head over it.”

Dean: "I'm not a fucking demon, Sammy," I said a little too loudly and then remembered that yeah, my grandson was in the next room. Shit, this was freakin' complicated and maybe I should have just figured out where he was and just shown up, but if this was how he was one the phone (with good reason), he probably would shoot me if he saw me just appear one day. Frustrated, I walked out to the kitchen and grabbed a beer before walking back to the bedroom. I sat back down on the bed and twisted off the cap. "Sammy ..." I tried again and just bowed my head because this was fuckin' pointless. He wasn't gonna believe that it was me, no matter what I said. Takin' a swig of my beer, I leaned over and set my beer on the table and sat back up, raising an eyebrow. "Funky town," I said quietly and sat there for what felt like ever. Think I even held my breath on that. Hopefully he'd realize it was me.

Sam: This whole thing was starting to piss me off and I honestly wondered why I was still on the phone. Why I hadn't just hung up by now. I needed to, because there was no way this was Dean. God, I wanted it to be, so bad. But I knew there was really just no way it co--"What did you say?" I asked, when I heard him say something that I swear was mine and Dean's code word. How the hell could a demon know that? "Did you just say what I thought you said?" I asked, suddenly filled with more hope than I should have considering the circumstances.

Dean: "Dude, I'm tellin' you, I don't know how .. or why ..." I trailed off and rubbed my hair a little before lettin' out a breath. Maybe I was finally gettin' through to him. Bitch. "Grace ... she did somethin', got me out ... shit, I ..." I didn't even know what to say, but, "Yeah, I just said it. Sam, it's me," I swallowed hard and got up again. I wanted to tell him everything that happened, but I thought that maybe that'd be a story to tell him in person. Not over the phone. Hell, just tellin' him I was back over the phone was shitty enough, rather him get the actual story ... when he was here. "Look, I'm sorry for doin' it like this, but I just ... you're my brother, y'know? I needed to tell you, I just ... I guess ... I dunno," I stopped and grabbed my beer and took a long hard gulp that damn near almost finished the whole thing off.

Sam: How was this even possible? Grace. Wasn't that Alec's girlfriend? How did Dean know...she got him out? Was this real? Was I dreaming? Because there was really no other explanation for it. He knew the word though. The code word. It had to be him. "How?" I said, shaking my head, still disbelieving this whole thing. It couldn't be real, could it? "Dean...." I stopped, frowning. "If it's really you, if what you're telling me is true..." I stopped, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. Could it be? "I have to see it to believe it. I can't just....I need to see you. You said you were in Vegas?"

Dean: Snifflin' a little, I paced around the room while he pretty much pondered what was goin' on. On the other line, I could practically hear the wheels turnin' in his head and I was relieved when his tone of voice changed. He believed me. "How - man, I just ... yeah, it's crazy," I told him quietly, but then he cut me off and I frowned. He wanted to come out to Vegas? Hell yes. "Yeah, I'm in Vegas," I confirmed. I wasn't sure how long we were stayin', but I'd wait for Sam to get out here. I told him where I was and what room I was in. "Where are you at? What ... is Emily with you?" I asked him, already pretty much knowin' the answer, but whatever. I just wanted to see if she was alright. "She make it out okay?"

Sam: Grabbing a pen, I scribbled down the name of the place and what room he was in. As soon as I hung up the phone I was gonna be on my way. In fact, I started moving around the room, stuffing my stuff back in my bag as I shouldered the phone and continued to listen to him. Hoisting it back up on the bed, I put my hand back on the phone and took a deep breath when he asked about Emily. "I'm in Arizona." I told him. "I was working a job, but I just finished up. And no, she's not." I lowered my head, even though he couldn't see me. "She's not with me. But she made it out."

Dean: I just nodded. Arizona. I smiled a little when he told me he was workin' on a job. At least the family business was still in, well, business. "Alright," I told him. I knew she made it out because Faith well ... pretty much told me she's stayin' with a cop, but I just wanted to hear it from him that she made it out okay. "It doesn't matter. Long as she made it out," I said. Walkin' over to the window again, I nodded a little to the outside world. My brother was gonna be here soon and everything was gonna go back to normal. Or well, normal for us, which ... yeah, but hey, we'd be back together and we'd just pick up where we left off. Put this whole thing behind us, least I was tryin' to anyway. Things were different now though because I did have a son, weird as that was, and a grandson. Yep, just a little bit weirder, but hey, I was dealin' with it. Anything is possible these days, no matter how crazy they seem.

Meme based on undertherainbow

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:03:13 GMT

1. How has LJ changed your life?
Uh, was it supposed to?

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Have sex.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
Doubt there will be one.

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
It's definitely not New York.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
What the shit?

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
They both pretty much suck.

7. Do you trust easily?
Nope.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
From the only experience I've had with that, I pretty much moved on?

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Name it.

10. What is your best quality?
I'll let you answer that.

11. Is being tagged fun?
Is this some kind of sex game?

12. How do you see yourself?
Awesome.

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Sam, Emily, Faith, Bobby, AND Solvei.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Again? Are we talkin' about sex?

15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
I'd rather be who I am right now, only not where I'm at.

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?
Next.

17. What's better to give or to receive?
Depends on the situation. Heh.

18. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Neither.

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
Do I look like some dude who sleeps with random chicks?

20. What do you want to be able to say to yourself when you die?
Don't let it be hellhounds.

Muse Lists for undertherainbow July

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:19:01 GMT

A list of people you would kill for:

Sam
Emily
Solvei
Faith
Bobby
Bobby's kid
Dad
Buffy
~~other~~Sam
~~other~~Dean
Oprah
Adam Sandler

Dean Winchester
Various Communities, although this one is for undertherainbow.

July - You're dead. Write a fic about the afterlife.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:30:32 GMT

“It’s not you.”

Dean tipped his head down on his knee’s that were pulled up as he sat against a wall. Everything inside of him had pretty much given up and now he was expecting whatever was coming his way. What felt like years and years, he was stuck and he couldn’t move, nailed in place and now that he was finally free of that, he wished that he was nailed back up. At least when he was nailed, he didn’t have to see the faces. They came and went sporadically. When you had years and lifetimes of just sitting and thinking and not even sure if what you were thinking was ever real, things got a little dizzy. He wasn’t sure if what he was thinking was real. He wasn’t sure if he was even in hell. He wasn’t sure of anything. Was it a dream? Was this real? There was a fine line, but he just wasn’t sure which side he was on anymore. Everything just bled together.

He heard screams every so often. People passing by? People who were sent there? An enemy that was going to hurt him? He lost all hope that those people were there to help him years ago. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, he didn’t trust anything that the figures would say to him. At least the figures who wore the faces of his friends and family. Five years, ten, even up to thirty years of just being in a somewhat solitary world, listening to screams of torture and lies from figments. Except they weren’t lies.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself, Dean. But you know it’s true. You never saved me. You made everything worse.”

Sam crouched down in front of Dean’s trembling body and the closer his so called younger brother got, the further Dean pressed himself against the wall.

“You were selfish, everything always had to be about you. Your pain, your misery. Save Dean, make sure he’s alright, pat him on the head, give him a cookie.”

“Fuck you.” Dean bit out, while Sam just laughed, bitterly.

“You know I’m right. What did you always say? What’s dead should stay dead? No one’s going to help you now. You’re dead. You’re staying that way, big brother.”

What’s dead should stay dead, but Dean just couldn’t let Sam die. Not like that. Dean always regretted going and getting Sam and pulling him from that life he had in California, but then he realized, it would have just come for him anyway and he wouldn’t have been ready.

“Dean!”

Dean’s head snapped up while Sam just laughed. “Dude, there’s no way she’s getting down. She’s stuck.” Quickly, Dean was on his feet, and it was so close, just out of his reach. Everything in his body ached, but he’d do anything to just get her down.

“Mom.”

“Dean please, help me. Save me.”
Closing his eyes, he shook his head. Not happening, not happening.

When he opened his eyes though, she was still there. Still on the ceiling that was just out of his reach when tried to jump. He came so close, that the tip of his finger touched her nightgown while she hung there.

“You’re gonna like this part, Dean.”

Screaming, Mary called Dean’s name over and over again as she was engulfed in flames. Flames so close that Dean felt himself engulfed in flames. Dean kept on trying to get his mother down, even while his own flesh was burning, but his mother’s screams turned into a sinister laugh while she watched her first born being burned. Then everything was silent. He was alone, sitting back against the wall like he had been for years.

Years passed and Dean just kept to himself. He would listen to the screams of people all around him, but he never saw them. He relied on the thoughts in his own head. What’s already happened, what he thought was going to happen until finally, everything was just mashed together and he didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t real. He never saw Sam again.

Opening his eyes, he looked toward the door that was rattling. It had been years upon years that he’d even seen anyone. Not since he and his mother went up in flames while his kid brother laughed. The door opened slowly and he reached over and grabbed the first thing he could find, a brick and held it in his hand, tightly. Getting up, he hunched over, as he walked toward the door and stopped in his tracks when he saw who was there.

Holding her hand up, she gave him a look.

“Don’t be such a dick.”

Dean didn’t say anything, just watched the tiny, demon skank while she stood there, looking around. “Glad to know you kept the place looking nice,” she said and walked passed him.

“Ruby? Where’d you … DEAN!”

Dropping the brick, he just stared at Emily while she ran toward him, but he dodged her and moved back toward the wall. Emily frowned and just stood there.

“Dean, we finally made it, we’re getting you out and …” She trailed off and looked around. “I’m all up for leaving now.”

“You’re …” was all Dean managed to get out.

“She’s right, jackass, let’s go before they start coming. We only have a little bit of time. Sam got a portal working.”

Dean gave a half smile while he watched them both. They finally came to get him. Yeah, about twenty five years ago, he was saying it was okay that they didn’t. What’s dead should stay dead, he didn’t want to come back like a demon, or any other hellish dude, but now? He was relieved. He was getting out of hell. His first class ticket.

“So that means move your feet, ass.”

“Yeah, come on,” Emily said and reached out for his hand. He grabbed onto it and she shook her head. “You need another manicure,” she said quietly and looked up at him. “I’ll take care of it.” Dean needed a lot more than that, and now he was gonna get it.

Ruby led them out of the room and down a hall. “It’s so weird that hell can be like this. Little rooms and hallways and hey, look, a ceiling fan,” Emily pointed out while Dean just frowned. He never expected hell to be like this, but he could have gotten worse.

Grinning, Ruby stopped at a door. “You ready for this Dean, everything’s going to change.”

“Yeah, let’s just get out of here. Kinda over this place,” he said a little slurry. Everything was just bleeding together and he felt a little dizzy.

Emily rubbed his back and just gave a small smile while Ruby opened the door. “Go ahead, make sure you get out of this thing, we’re right behind you.”

Letting out a breath, he pulled Emily along with him as he walked through the door, but he just stopped in his tracks. It was the room he died in, in New Harmony.

He watched everything unfold in front of him and he turned around, seeing Ruby at the door with a grin on her face. “You always fall for it, shortbus. Come on Mind Freak.”

“You shouldn’t be so gullible. No one’s gonna save you, Dean,” Emily said, quietly and he just stared down at her, tears warming his eyes as she walked way.

“Get ‘em boys.”

Dean turned around and saw the hellhounds coming closer and closer, growling and ready for a good meal. He started to run and when he got back to the hallway, Emily and Ruby were gone. He ran back up the hallway and toward his cell. Looking back, he saw them getting closer and closer and his legs couldn’t take it anymore. It seemed like the hallway would never end. He’d have to be back at his room now, but it was too late. He heard a snap and tripped, falling down. Turning around on his back, he tried to get away and he let out a scream when the hellhound took the first bite.

Opening his eyes, he was back in his cell.

“Dean. Thought I’d might find you here.”

Looking up, Dean saw his father, John Winchester, standing in his doorway. Dean just shook his head and closed his eyes. It wasn’t going to work this time. Sam, his mother, Ruby and Emily … and now his dad. Years and years pass before anyone comes or anyone goes. The quiet was his only friend with the occasional screams that surfaced every so often. Newbies.

“Son …”

“Not your son.” Was all Dean said, coldly. Nothing was real, nothing mattered and he trusted no one.

Dean’s father came closer toward him and Dean looked up through narrowed eyes, pointedly at John.

“IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK. IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK.”

Dean was up now on his bare feet as he stared down the supposed demon that was in front of him.

“Dean, it’s me, I …”

“IT’S NOT YOU!” Everything inside of him that was built up for decades came out in one punch to John Winchester’s face. With each punch that Dean got in, he laughed, deviously. John’s body finally fell, lifelessly until he said the words that Dean remembered. The words he said in the hospital right before he died. Dean’s amusement faded quickly and he fell back against the opposite wall. It was his father all along.

Holding his chin, John tried to smile as he sat up a little, “That’s my boy though, knows how to throw a good punch,” he tried to joke and Dean just watched him in fear and shock.

“I don’t have a lot of time …”

“Dad…”

Dean moved over toward him and helped him sit up a little better. Everything wasn’t real, except for this. Dad. Swallowing hard, Dean watched him closely.

“I just .. wanted to tell you something, son.”

“No, no. Stay, don’t go, just stay. We’ll fight them off.”

“I don’t think we can do that,” John whispered and rubbed his forehead before letting his hand fall back to the ground.

Dean just swallowed and watched him.

“No, there has to be a way, you can’t just leave me here!” Dean yelled now, looking his father over. “You can’t just … keep coming and going.”

“I have no choice, son. I don’t make the rules.”

“Take care of your brother,” John said and Dean just looked him confused. How could he take care of his brother, when he was down here and Sam was up there.

“Dad, you’re not makin’ any sense. I can’t take care of my brother …he’s …”

“Just take care of him. You do good, son,” John smiled genuinely at his son.

“Next time just let him stay dead. He’s not worth it.”

Dean just lifted his head and watched him while John just started laughing. “You’re an idiot, why the hell would you do that? Make a deal like that, for him. That’s a laugh. He’d never do the same for you, son. Deep down you know that too.”

Moving backward, Dean just sat there and leaned his back against the wall as he shook his head. He should have known. Nothing was what it seemed. They came and they went, they left you alone to yourself and they came just when you had lost all hope, just to bring you hope and then take it away again. Nothing was on your side, no one cared, everything was hot and dark. Your thoughts kept you busy, but it was only a matter of time before they made you crazy.

“Yeah …” was all Dean said while the demon wearing his father’s face watched him closely. Swallowing hard, Dean surrendered to it all. He didn’t care anymore. He was stuck, this was what he was, who he was and where he was. Nothing was going to change that.

Our Issues: Under the Rainbow: Dean/Solvei

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:16:59 GMT

Ten ways you have hurt your partner or your partner has hurt you. (separate them into lists of five or whatever if you want)

1. She moved on.
2. She assumed I'd be happy that she lost the baby.
3. She assumed that I hopped in bed with chicks in our bed after she disappeared.
4. So I guess that means she doesn't trust me.
5. Yeah, pretty much. She never trusted me.

1. I
2. Didn't
3. Do
4. Anything
5. Wrong.

Yeah, for once, I'm not to blame. Look at that.

July: Muse Lists (for FM) - A list of people you would die for.

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:26:08 GMT

1. Sammy
2. Dad
3. Mom
4. Emily
5. Nicole
6. ~~Alec~~
7. ~~Jack~~
8. ~~Cady~~
9. ~~Grace~~
10. Sammy

A moment in hell with Dean Winchester

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 19:36:17 GMT

Our Issues: July for blindingheights Dean and Faithy

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:46:29 GMT

Ten reasons why you and your partner should consider having children.

1. I'm hot.
2. Faith's hot.
3. We'd have good looking children.
4. Children are needed to carry on the Winchester name.
5. We could get out of this business and be normal.
6. I'd be a good dad.
7. They would be protected.
8. Hey, I wouldn't mind seein' Faith knocked up with my baby.
9. She'd be a great mom.
10. They'd have an Uncle Sam and an Aunt Buffy.

Ten reasons why you and your partner should never have (or should have never had) children.

1. We're demon hunters.
2. Our lives aren't normal.
3. I don't even have a retirement plan or life insurance.
4. We're on the road alot.
5. I don't see us givin' up this gig anytime soon.
6. I don't get a paycheck.
7. They'd be the targets of a lot of shit.
8. We can't raise kids in a motel.
9. I don't think Faith wants kids.
10. Can demons have kids? Think not.

Our Issues: Dean/Emily for wakeuplonely

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 12:53:48 GMT

Ten things you find annoying about your significant other.

1. She's a manipulator. A BIG ONE.
2. She hides. A big freakin' hider.
3. She thinks she's something special.
4. She lied. She probably still is.
5. I never know if she's gonna stab me in the back.
6. I get no freakin' appreciation when I save her life. On countless missions.
7. She's hot and then she's cold.
8. ~~If she was dead, then my brother would still be alive.~~
9. I know what she really thinks about me.
10. She tries to hog the radio.

Our Issues - Dean/Emily

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:37:17 GMT

Ten little ways you show your partner you care:
1. Tease her.
2. Tell her she's hot.
3. Tell her things that I really don't tell anyone.
4. Let her drive the Impala.
5. Listen to her.
6. When I go and get beer, I pick up vodka, just for her cranberry and vodka drinks.
7. Sometimes I let her listen to her radio station.
8. I tell her the truth.
9. I haven't slept with her. Yet.
10. Send her significant songs. Well, we do that back and forth, but whatever.

:(

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 05:32:46 GMT

RIP

I know it hurts to say goodbye, but it's time for me to fly

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:12:37 GMT

This was really about to happen. Everything was loaded up, we were already gone from the cabin and I had about five hours left to kick a demon’s ass and somehow get out of my contract. Actually, it probably wouldn’t be me doin’ a lot of the ass kickin’ because me and Emily saw what that bitch could do and I don’t think the little tricks I have in the trunk are gonna work. Good thing for beast skanks though. Hopefully she could pull this off, but honestly? I doubted it. I was all optimistic yesterday, but now? Now that I could feel the end of my life just comin’ closer and closer … I didn’t think we had a chance in hell, but I wanted to believe. I wanted to live.

I didn’t wanna die and I sure as shit didn’t wanna go to hell.

Me and Sam went our own way and the girls got their own ride. I watched Emily for a lot longer than intended until she was out of sight and it was just me and Sammy. Like the old days. I grinned over at him, but he didn’t look amused. Guess there is no possible way to find a lighter, fluffier side to this. This was it. My time was up in five hours and along with me, him and Emily could both kick the bucket along with me. I made Emily promise me to make sure that Sam was okay and I made Sam promise to make sure she was okay, so hopefully, it’ll criss cross and they’ll both be good.

After a few minutes on the road, I looked over at Sammy again and turned the radio down. I wanted to tell him about mine and Emily’s little excursion to Little Miss Psycho’s Playland, and for a couple of weeks, I kept it all in, but it was about to come out. Yeah, right about now.

“You know I’ve seen this little bitch, right?” Okay, maybe he didn’t know that. But now he did.

“Lilith. She’s ...”

She’s a bad bitch. Me and Em saw her snap an old lady’s neck just by movin’ her hands. There was no way we could go up against her. Sighing, I looked back at the road and just kept on drivin’ though. I didn’t have a choice. I never backed down and I always went down swingin’, so this? Yeah. I have to do it.

“I didn’t tell you, I guess I didn’t want you to worry, or to say that it was stupid,” I told him and just kept my eyes on the road. Besides, he was always gone, I had to make my own fun while he was off makin’ his, although, I don’t know how much fun it would be to hang with Ruby. She’s too uptight.

“Anyway,” I nodded and reached over and turned up the volume to the radio and then I turned it back down. I had already told him all there is to say, I told him how to take care of the Impala, I told him to make sure that Emily was okay and I told him I loved him more than anything and that I’d never change this, ever. Swallowin’ hard, I glanced over at him.

“Tap into that power yet?” I asked, a little too hopeful. He’d been workin’ with Ruby non-stop so he had to have … gotten something right? Yeah, I hated the fact that my brother was even tappin’ into anything that was all demon like, but it was all I had. He and Ruby were all I had and Emily … but Emily couldn’t do what Ruby did and I didn’t know about Sam. He wasn’t tellin’ me nothing. It was kinda like givin’ me false hope. Freakin’ sucked. They wanted me to be optimistic, but then they had nothin’ for me. They couldn’t figure anything out, or they can’t tap into power, or hey, they just flat out tell me that they can’t save me. I dunno. I got myself into it and I’m gonna get myself out of it, somehow. Whether it’s death or blowin’ that little girl away. Either way, it just sucked. I guess Emily was right, everything was gonna change after tonight. For her and for everyone else.

(Open to Sammy)

I didn't mean to make you cry if I'm not back again this time tomorrow

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:52:17 GMT

The closer and closer it got to my due date, I’ve been preparing. Seriously, I have. In my own way. I got the manuals for my baby so that Sammy can take care of her when I’m gone and well, I made a tape for Emily because I’m awesome and I’m not gonna tell her how I feel about her. Mainly because there was another chick before her that I still wasn’t over yet. Yeah, so I was a dick, (even though I’m not a dick, I’m awesome) and I left, but I came back, ready to be with her and then it just … didn’t happen. And now I’m stuck in a cabin with Sam and Ruby and Emily and I’m gonna die in a few days. Sam told me not to talk like that and that it’s not gonna happen, but why does it feel like it’s gonna happen? I just feel it in my freakin’ gut. At first I thought I was hungry, but no, it’s that feeling that I’m gonna die. So whatever. I die, Sam is here and alive and the whole deal pretty much worked out like it was goin’ to.

I just needed to call Nicole. Make some type of peace with her even though she’s the one who pretty much threw me out, I still … I guess I just wanted to hear her voice. See how she was, see if she’s better off without me.

Yeah, she was probably goin’ to cuss me out, but you know? That’d be okay. I didn’t care. This wasn’t about her, it was about me I guess. It wanted to be sure she was okay.

I grabbed my cell phone off the counter and headed outside and toward the table in the yard that me and Emily … did some shooting practice. It didn’t last long, Emily’s an awesome shoot, so we just sat there and insulted eachother. Awesome times.

Searchin’ through the phone, I found her number and hit send.

Yeah, here goes nothin’.

(Open to a sassy blond)

I AM NOT A DICK, I AM AWESOME OK.

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:36:44 GMT

I am not: a dick.
I love: my family.
I hate: that I don't have alot of time left.
I fear: that Sam dies and then this is all for nothing.
I hope: that I live.
I hear: Metallica through the headphones.
I crave: tequila.
I regret: a few things.
I cry: sometimes.
I care: more than you think.
I always: am awesome.
I believe: that I'm going to die in a few days.
I feel alone: rarely.
I listen: to what I want to hear.
I hide: in cabins.
I drive: a freakin' beauty.
I sing: ....
I dance: never.
I write: notes down for Sammy.
I play: cards alot with Emily.
I miss: my dad.
I search: empty bottles looking for something that's never there.
I learn: ALL THE TIME.
I feel: okay.
I know: that I am AWESOME.
I say: everything and nothing at all.
I succeed: when this is all over and I'm alive.
I dream: of ugly mutts.
I wonder: if I'll ever go to Mexico.
I want: alot of things.
I have: a few days left.
I give: a damn about the people around me.
I fell: for no one.
I fight: fate. Trying to anyway.
I need: alot of things that I'll never get.

Choice - June Topic for FM

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:23:11 GMT

It was hard to sleep. Night after night, the closer it got to my expiration date, the dreams got more vivid. They got more real. I dreaded goin’ to sleep just because of that. I usually woke up in a cold sweat and on the verge of my damn heart beatin’ out of my chest and tonight was no exception. I sat up in a bed for a little while and listened to some music on the walkman and I could feel myself fallin’ asleep again. It wasn’t long until I was out and then it just started happenin’ all over again. Usually I was in the woods, but tonight it was different. It was in the suburbs – dude that place is scary in itself, but more scary when there’s a little psycho who likes to break your neck with a twist of her freakin’ hand. She determined who died and who stayed and the little bitch had somethin’ against me. Yeah, I was the idiot who made a deal and I’d do it again, I just thought I’d be out of it by now I guess. I didn’t think about it and it was nothin’ but an impulse buy.

I ran though. As long as the freakin’ mutts couldn’t catch me than I couldn’t die. In between houses, jumpin’ over fences, it didn’t matter. They followed. I usually woke up when they got real close, but this time? I didn’t and I just stared at them when I was backed against a wall. They growled and they looked really freakin’ gross, like they had rabies or something, it was seriously fucked, and they were all for me. All this trouble for little old Dean Winchester. Takin’ a deep breath, I just stared at them for a moment and tried to jump to grab onto the freakin’ tallest. Fence. Ever. “Damnit,” I cursed, desperately as they came closer and closer. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

“AHHHH,” I screamed when scratched at me and I started kickin’ at them, but that made another one jump. “SAMMY!!!” I pleaded and closed my eyes as the dogs had a buffet of my body. Openin’ my eyes, I jumped when I saw Emily, but it wasn’t Emily. It was … well. Fuck it, it was her. I jumped back and just stared at her for a moment while her pretty face came back and I laid my head down on the pillow and rubbed my forehead.

“What are you doing in here?” I asked her and looked over at the clock. 2:18a.m. Nice, another night that I get no freakin’ sleep. Slowly, I sat up and leaned against the headboard. I thought about reachin’ for the walkman, but I didn’t. I wasn’t goin’ back to bed tonight. Fuck it. Dean Winchester is gonna take on a little bitch who could rip my head off with no freakin’ sleep and that’s just that.

See ya, Em (A mixtape put in her bag the night before they see Lilith)

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:25:49 GMT

SIDE A: He Aint' Heavy, He's my Brother, Slow Ride, Talk Dirty to Me, The Joker, Sweet Emotion

SIDE B: I Can't Hold Back, Time For me to Fly, Africa, Drift Away, Paradise City - HIDDEN - Jessie <3

zip file @ sendspace

[meme] Sup.

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 03:08:07 GMT

What color is your soul painted?

Orange

Your soul is painted the color orange, which embodies the characteristics of balance, heat, enthusiasm, flamboyance, playfulness, aggression, over-emotion, danger, desire, strengthens the ability to concentrate, attraction, adaptability, and stimulation. Orange falls under the element of Fire, and symbolizes glory and fruits of the earth.

Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

Muse Lists for June

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:11:18 GMT

Daily To Do List:
-Piss Ruby off.
-Piss Emily off.
-Make up with Emily.
-Piss Ruby off some more.
-Spend quality time with Sammy.
-Show Sammy all there is to know about the Impala.
-Save my ass.
-Get more beer.
-~~Get Emily Vodka~~
-~~Hope I don't die.~~
-Sit in the cabin and be bored.
-~~Wonder what Emily's doing.~~
-Call Bobby.
-~~Throw away all of Emily's magazines. Just for fun.~~
-Wait for Sam to get back with demon bitch.
-Wash the Impala.
-Get more beer.
-Hope I live to see another day.
-Not sleep.

Ten People You Could have Loved:
1. Mom and Dad
2. Sammy
3. Bobby
4. Jo
5. Cassie
6. Lisa
7. Layla
8. Faith
9. Nicole
10. Emily